i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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