life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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