can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
