We won't sleep together?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
