I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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