Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
