we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
