Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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