I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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