Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
