oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
