I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
