I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
