dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
