alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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