Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
