Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
