My underwear smells like fireworks.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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