my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
