Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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