I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
