Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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