we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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