Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
