Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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