We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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