This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
