Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
