I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
