you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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