Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize