I accidentally had phone sex last night
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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