My friends, they love my intelligence
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
