yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
