ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize