you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
