one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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