From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
