yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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