the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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