Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize