Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
