32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
