We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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