Plan B is the new Plan A
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
