my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
