I look better un-naked...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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