he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize