Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
