he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
