Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
