we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I made him laugh his dick is mine
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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