dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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