Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
