Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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