i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
