I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
