They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize