Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
