She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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