Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
