Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
