i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
