ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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