i already hear my dad disowning me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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