Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
