Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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