There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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