The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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