Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
