You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
