She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
