Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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