Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
