i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
