wanna go halves on a baby?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
