btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
