You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
