I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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