it was like his penis was on wheels.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
