Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
