I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
