4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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