i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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