you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
