I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just made out with a guy for $7.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
