Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
