3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
