Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
