Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
