Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
