You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The struggles of a small town man whore
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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