I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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