you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
