3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He felt like a one man threesome
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
