he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
