I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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