And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And then my night got REAL pukey
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize