Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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