just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
