whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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