I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
