looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
